I just keep beating my head against that same ol' wall

“There’s somethin I learned when I was homeless:
Our limitation is God’s opportunity.
When you get all the way to the end of your rope

and there ain’t nothin you can do,

that’s when God takes over.”
~ Denver Moore~
Same Kind of Different As Me
(co-written with Ron Hall, with Lynn Vincent)

 

It's really our loss that this is true . . . but it is.  Whenever we "have it all figured out" we just go about our business, cheerfully ignorant of the reality of what might be just around the next corner.  I am eternally grateful that God knows not only what is around that next corner, but He also knows and cares about the last five (or a million) corners that I've turned, and He knows about every corner I will ever peek around in the future.  I just wish I would remember that BEFORE I crash into the next wall of difficulty that will inevitably rise up before me on my daily walk through life.

 

As long as we have a shred of "me, myself, and I" to cling to, we tend to keep telling ourselves, "I can do this!  I can do this!" . . . . all by myself!  Reminds me of most two-year-olds I've ever known!  Or The Little Train That Could.  But I do this all the time - I think for me it must have something to do with growing up in a part of the country where we are all trained from a very early age about the "American work ethic."  "We make money the old fashioned way . . . we work for it" has been the motto of my family's life from long before I arrived on the scene.  When I was a little girl, both my Mama and my Daddy worked, every day, away from home, just to pay our mortgage of $60.00 a month.  And I remember my Mama worrying frequently about whether or not she was going to be able to pay it on time.  But I didn't know at the time that we really were "poor."  Who knew??  Not me, because that wasn't the focus of life.  It was about working hard, paying your bills (on time as much as possible!), being honest, and taking care of whatever possessions you managed to acquire.  But all of that came to me from a perspective on life that did not include the grace of God, and His mercy, love, and everlasting kindness.  It was just us, and we had to figure it out on our own.  And we did, most of the time, but it was rarely easy or "fun."

 

So now, with a lifetime of hearing about hard work, independence, doing for others, and an absolute horror at the thought of being selfish or lazy   ;o),  even though I  KNOW in my head that I really can trust God to take care of my family, even when I (seriously)  can't figure out how to pay the bills AND buy the groceries - I still feel a sense of "responsibility" to figure it out myself.  After all, I reason, God has bigger issues to deal with than my family's struggles.  Really, I'm fairly intelligent and educated - but it always comes down to that.  And I know that it comes from my belief (as we like to say in our Christian community:  My World and Life View) that yes, God is in control and, yes, God is BIG enough to take care of it ALL, but I'm sure He expects me to do my part.  But that's the problem . . . . I get a bit confused (alright, a LOT confused!) about just exactly WHAT my part is. 

 

I am convinced that this is an area where every person exoeriences a great deal of influence from their upbringing.  Maybe people who have rarely had to deal with scarcity, whether in the area of money, food, clothing, just the basic necessities of life, are better at recognizing when they "can't do it all" and perhaps they are better equipped to trust God.  I don't know . . . . I've never been there!  But I just know that I am not so good at it.  I need the constant reminder that I don't need to "do it all."  Well, of course I CAN'T, but my heart continues to tell me that I am responsible, at least, to try.  So the battle continues - even though I could write numerous posts about ALL of the times that, when I really was facing that weekly question of choice between the bills and the groceries, it all worked out.  In quiet, simple, unimpressive little ways . . . . it was that Still Small Voice of my Lord, reminding me to give it a rest once in a while.  It's a good thing to be a hard worker, diligent, persistent, determined, responsible . . . . blah, blah, blah . . . . but if you keep knocking yourself out, day after day, you are bound to get a headache.  So stop it!    "I'm trying, Lord, really I am" - see, I even go there when I'm trying so hard not to.  Ain't life grand???    ;o)  

 

If you want to join the rest of this week's In Other Words participants, just visit Miriam Pauline at her blog,

Miriam Pauline's Monologue.  You will find links to the other blog posts on this topic today, and you can post your own link, as well.  Then later today, I'll pop around and visit you!  Have a great Tuesday, and remember to trust . . . . it's much healthier than banging your head against that wall, like me!    ~~  Nina

 

PS I have just about finished up the spring issue of Ruby for Women, and it will be available tomorrow  for purchase.  I'll post a link to a preview, some excerpts, and the subscription page.  In the meantime, let me know if you would like to submit an article, poem, story, springtime photos, recipes, or devotional for the summer issue, which will be coming out the first week of May. 

 

PPS  Also, don't forget about Operation Pillowcase . . . we are sewing pillowcases to send to the troops in Afghanistan in March, and we would love to have you join "Team Ruby."  Let me know if you are interested, and I'll put you on the list! 

Comments

[Miriam Pauline]

I think we can all relate to crashing our heads against the same old wall. I often wish my lessons could be learned more easily. But I do find that everytime I give a little more trust, the next time it is easier to give a little more.

Thanks for joining us this week!

[Janet]

"I just wish I would remember that BEFORE I crash into the next wall..." Humorously and ashamedly I can soooo relate! lol

You have made an excellent point, as someone who has had both very little and very much, I can't imagine my trust and faith if I only had experienced very much.

[Denise Hughes]

Boy, we sure do keep trying and trying. I can relate to your tendencies to be a hard worker. I Thess. 4:11-12 was my "life verse" for a long time. But it is also reassuring to remember that we are called human beings not human doings. One the greatest themes in the Gospel of John is to "abide" in Him. Not do something for Him. Not do something for someone else. Not do something for ourself. But to just draw close to Him and abide there. And let Him take care of the rest. Thank you for sharing such insightful thoughts today. Blessings to you.

[Tami Boesiger]

Thanks for your honesty, Nina. I pray God continues teaching you to trust Him (and pray it's not too painful too!)