"A gracious good morning to you . . . . Have I reached the party to whom I am speaking?" This is Ernestine, the Operator at Cyber Space in Your Face, coming to you live from my home office in Somewhere, Rural Midwest America. So sorry to inform you that just because you can remain anonymous behind your technologically-advanced position in cyber space, it is still not polite to be a bully or be mean-spirited when you speak to other anonymous cyber peeps. You really should remember that there is a real, living, breathing, thinking, and feeling human being on the other end of the poison darts you spew from your sharp tongue, as they fly eloquently and effortlessly from your mouth, through your fingers, to the keypad and on to your intended victim recipient.
You see, here at Cyber Space In Your Face, we easily handle eighty-four billion bytes of information every day. Messages soaring through outer space from everyone, including presidents and kings, to the scum of the earth. *SNORT* We realize that every so often something goes wrong . . . . your computer locks up on you when you are right in the middle of sending a scorching email to someone you hate, and for no apparent reason your computer will crash right when you reallly, really need to finish that really, really important report for work.
Sometimes you even receive an innocent email from someone who isn't nearly as bright as you are, and you are enraged that anybody would be so RUDE as to accidentally send you an email that you did not request. Well, here at Cyber Space in Your Face, we simply don't care. *SNORT* And obviously, you don't care, either. Because, WHAP! just like that, you can lose Peoria . . . . or Manhattan, Kansas or Podunkville, Michigan. Just by being a bully to some well-meaning, intelligent but overworked little lady sitting in her home office in the cornfields of midwest America. Somewhere. Of course, you don't care where. And neither do we, here at Cyber Space in Your Face.
You see, this internet contraption (invented by Al Gore, wasn't it?) consists of a multibillion-dollar matrix (or is it multi-TRILLION? Who knows, what's the difference in a few extra zeros?) *SNORT* of space-age technology that is so sophisticated, that even we here at Cyber Space in Your Face can't handle it. But that's your problem, and it is CERTAINLY no reason to be nasty to fellow travelers on the cyber highway. So, the next time you get your knickers in a twist because some silly cyber peep makes a mistake, why don't you use two Dixie cups with a sting. We don't care. Why should we? You obviously don't. Because we can just DELETE you right out of our little corner of the cyber world. Good-bye and have a great Monday! This is a recording.
(Based loosely on Lily Tomlin's monologue as Ernestine the Operator, from "Saturday Night Live")