Mamas*Little*Treasures

Working on Wednesday: Pretty Little Things

What is it about holidays that gets our entire schedule out of sorts?  I'm so thankful that we have a holiday to remember and celebrate all that has been done for our country, and for each of us as individuals, through the sacrifices of our military men, women, and their families.  Although this is a difficult time in the lives of many Americans, we still live in the best country on earth!  When we traveled to China for our adoptions, we were reminded moment by moment of the gift that is ours as American citizens.  China is an absolutely beautiful country, and the people we met were so gracious, kind, friendly, and welcoming.  We love China, and we are so grateful for the opportunity we were given to bring our daughters home.  But we also saw hundreds and hundreds of Chinese people lined up at the American Consulate waiting in line for hours, days, weeks to get a visa to come to our country, because as our tour guide told us, "Chinese people think America is Heaven."  We are truly blessed, and I can only pray that our country will remain free and always be a refuge for people who are seeking a life of liberty.  So, I am truly grateful for Memorial Day!

I have discovered that whenever we have a holiday on any week-day, it kind of gets me all confused about what day it is for the rest of the week! So, yesterday seemed like Monday, and today seems like Tuesday . . . .. so I've got to get my internal clock adjusted!  And since it really is Wednesday, I'm home working on several projects.  But since I've determined to simplify my life lately and seek out opportunities to experience the beauty in my everyday life, one of the projects for today is to find as many "pretty little things" in my world as I can.  I have these sweet little pink plaid teacups and saucers, a few cottage teapots in my collection, and a few other random items from thrift shops, antique shops, and garage sales that I decided to begin photographing to share with you.  A couple of weekends ago I came across a yard sale where they were selling pint canning jars filled with vintage buttons.  Well, of course I had to have them!  All of them!  She had six jars so I bought them all!  Now I am in "button heaven" and have been making all kinds of fun stuff embellished with some of these gorgeous buttons.  But I've got to get busy today, finish up this eBook pattern revision and get the pattern pieces in the mail this afternoon . . .. . so here are a couple of pictures of some of the "pretty little things" in my world.  Aren't they beautiful?  I'd love to see some of the pretty little things in your world, so if you post some pix on your blog, leave your comment here and I'll come for a visit! 

A Weekend To Remember

It's been one of those weeks . . . . it's Friday night, and I'm exhausted.  And I have to go to work again tomorrow morning.  All I really want to do is stay home with my family, maybe have hamburgers on the grill, and perhaps work in my garden a bit.  Maybe.  Unless I'm too tired, and then I might want to just sit out on the deck with a book and a glass of lemonade.  Or take a nap.  But I can't so of course, I whine.  I'm so inconvenienced.  I mean all I want to do is just take a break from working all the time!  Is that too much to ask?

 

But when I think about the sacrifices that are made everyday by our men and women in the military, those who have given the ultimate sacrifice, I am humbled and realize how much more they give every day.  And they do it for those of us whom they will never know.  Their families must sacrifice, too, the time and attention of their loved ones.  I am so grateful for all those who have given of themselves for our country and our freedom.  Because I know that freedom is not free . . . . and that is not just a cliche that happens to have a nice sound.  It is true. 

So today I want to say THANK YOU to everyone in the military, past, present, and future, for protecting us, keeping us safe, and giving up your own comfort for our security.  Because I know you never have a day just to relax when there is a war raging around you.  You are truly a gift to our country and to every citizen in America, even though you may not always feel like it.  Thanks for doing the hard stuff so the rest of us can sit on our decks and drink lemonade if we want to.  Thank you for a country that is still free.  God bless you and God bless the USA. 

“What if I stumble, what if I fall?
What if I lose my step and I make fools of us all?
Will the love continue when my walk becomes a crawl?
What if I stumble, and what if I fall?”

Chorus from the song,  “What if I stumble?“
Artist: DC Talk
Album: Intermission

 

I don't know WHY anyone would choose this quotation!!!   ;o)   It sometimes feels like I reflect on this aspect of my Christian journey a bit too much . . . . the experiences in which I just knew deep down in my soul, that if I made a mistake or in some way just couldn't quite "get it right," that I would be abandoned.  Is that some deep-seated psychological defect?  See, there I'm doing it again!  Or is it that this truly is one facet of most Christians' experiences?  Well, now that I'm thinking about it, probably there wouldn't be a song written about this idea of stumbling, falling, crawling, and wondering if I will still be loved if it was just me.  And even if someone DID dare to write a song about all of this dysfunctional junk in the Christian communitty (and the rest of the world, too, of course . . . . but we're all reflecting on how all of this intersects with our Christian journey) - I'm sure that kind of a song would never be popular!  But since someone did, and it apparently is meaningful to someone besides me (since I'm not the one who chose this quote) . . . .  I guess I'm not alone after all.

It's unfortunate that we even have to have this discussion, or sing songs about this kind of experience in our "safe" little Christian community.  But, since we are all human, and we all stumble and fall along the way, most of us will be on both sides of this story at some point in our journey.  So I ask myself, "How have I been critical, judgmental, self-righteous, and proud when I've encountered a brother or sister who is struggling . . .. perhaps even crawling . . . . along the side of the road of life?"  I know that I have.  Because I am human . . . . and when I am self-righteous and judgmental, then I'm the one stumbling and falling.  But as long as I look really good on the OUTSIDE, my sin of pride doesn't show up quite as obviously as the one who is wrestling with more daunting demons.

And then we have all experienced (or, if you aren't old enough to have experienced it yet, you will sooner or later!) being on the other side of this story.  When my heart was breaking because of the death of a dream, I was terrified that if I was honest and let anyone know what was REALLY going on in my life, that I would be abandoned.  By my Christian community.  Because I just felt that it was more important to most of them that I look good, sound good, dress right, act right, say the right words, and sing the right songs, than that I have the freedom in Christ to address the problem.  So I smiled and raged within for many, many years.  But I looked good!  But I was NOT the perfect Christian wife, mother, woman that I appeared to be.  I was in a very dysfunctional situation, but acknowledging that to anyone around me was very scary.  I didn't want to be rejected because I wasn't perfect.

Eventually, when I collapsed beneath the weight of the expectations of being the perfect EVERYTHING, of course, my fears were realized.  Many of the people I thought were friends were too frightened and uncomfortable with the truth, so they turned their backs on me.  And just as I had feared, I had been abandoned by the very people I should have been able to trust.  But that is just the way it is . . . . and that was a very hard lesson to learn.  We are all human, and we all stumble, and fall, and crawl . . . . . and pass judgment, and gossip, and pass on some really good stories, even if they aren't true!  So, I always try to remember when I see someone struggling, that there is a story behind that face of pain, and there is a TRUE story.  And that is more important than always needing to look perfect.  I've been thinking about this lately for a variety of reasons, and in a recent discussion with my sweet hubby, I reminded him that "Time tells the truth."  Maybe that will be my next post! 

Have a wonderful Tuesday, and know that you are loved no matter where you are along the pathway of life's journey . . . . . and you don't need to be PERFECT to be loved!  If we could be perfect on our own, God would not have needed to send His Son to be the Saviour of the world.  He's got the WHOLE world in His hands, even and especially those of us who are not perfect!  Please visit Miriam Pauline today and take a minute to visit some of the other women who are participating in this week's In Other Words. 

Blessings for a peaceful week,

Nina

Monday Morning Blessings

I'm going to start this week by focusing on what I have accomplished, what I have planned for my week, instead of worrying about all of the things that I didn't get done!  That's kind of like counting my blessings . . . . .and not carrying around the burden of unfinished business.  So, I'll make my list of things TO DO this week, and check them off as I accomplish them, and try to stay focused on living in the moment.  Enjoy what I am doing right NOW and not always be thinking about what I need to do tonight, or tomorrow, or Thursday afternoon.  If I write it down, and get it out of my head, that seems to help.  But usually my brain is just in overload, and I can't quite get it under control!  That sounds scary!!!  Perhaps I'm the only one with this problem . . . . . it's like I can't turn it off.  I even feel like I'm creating "stuff" in my sleep.  And then when I'm awake I keep thinking of all of the "stuff" that I could create, and how to do it, and what it would take to make it work.  Maybe I'm an inventor . . . . or perhaps I should have been a scientist . . . . . or maybe I should just be myself and keep on creating stuff!

I recently received an email from a customer asking if I would consider doing custom-made clothing . . . . . for her.  Of course, I CAN do that, but do I have time?  Well, she saw a dress that she really likes but it is not in her size - so I'm in the process of re-creating the dress in her size.  In my spare time   ;o)   And then another customer wants to know if I could write a few eBook patterns for children's boutique designs in sizes 8 - 12.  You know, the really fun stuff for the 'tweens.  Because it is SOOO very expensive to buy gorgeous clothing for young ladies in this age group, and she wants to make a few things for her daughter.  So, would I write a few more eBooks?  Of course, in my spare time!  See what I mean?  I just have way too many ideas bouncing around in my brain, and it just never seems to be ready for a nap.  But I am . . . . I'm tired so I guess I'll go to bed and try to get my brain to settle down for a few hours.  But then I better get busy making that dress and writing those eBook patterns . . . . . along with all the other "stuff" that just constantly fills up my brain. 

I'm counting my blessings - just can't count that high right now!  If I have time, I'll jot down a few of my plans and goals for the week when I wake up in the morning.  Perhaps if I organize some of that "stuff" that is cluttering up my brain, I'll be able to focus on living in the moment.  I just am having a hard time keeping up with all the activity up there! 

PS here are a few of the beautiful Mother's Day gifts I received from my girls!  They made them for me in art class and they were so proud of their wonderful, hand-crafted gifts for Mom   ;o)   I love them!

Simplify Sunday: Back to Nature

Every where I go, just about everything I read, and most everyone I talk to is interested in simplifying their life.  Are we all longing for a bit more peace, a little more quiet, a few more hours of intentional living, instead of always rushing, hurrying, and stressing every minute of every day?  I know that I have spent many years of my life struggling to keep it all in perspective, and limit the amount of energy and time I spend on worrying about what is completely beyond my control.  With so many of us in the midst of financial crisis, I'm thinking it is more necessary than ever before to step back, take a deep breath, and re-evanluate our lives.  Of course, that's easier said than done . . . . but nevertheless, I think we would all benefit greatly from reviewing where we've been, where we are at the minute, and where we might be going from here.

For many of us, "simplifying" life could mean anything from cleaning out our closets and getting rid of the hundreds of things that are in there that make it impossible to figure out what to wear in the morning . . . . . to going away for a weekend, all alone, just to have time to think one thought from beginning to end without being interrupted.  And anything and everything in between.  One thing that is important to me is not just having time to "do nothing" (although that might be a good thing if one needs to just take a nap), but more importantly to me is having time to do the things that I want to do.  I know, that sounds selfish, right?  But when we spend so much of our time doing what we HAVE to do (go to work, feed the kids, clean the house, do the laundry, drive everyone everywhere, call Grandma, plan birthday parties, buy the groceries . . . . . . ) it is kind of nice to have an hour or two to just read a book, or sit down at the sewing machine, or post on my blog    ;o)  

So I've decided to devote some of my brain power to simplifying my life and really make that a focus of my day on Sunday.  Now, usually we go off to church and Sunday School on Sunday mornings . . . . that is just a tradition in our family, and it is important to us.  And then we have a simple lunch, such as grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup (or something equally low maintenance) and then we have "quiet time."  Sometimes we read, or watch a movie, or even take a nap.  And then in the evening we try to get things ready for the week, have a big bowl of popcorn, and just hang out together.  That's a good Sunday, in my opinion!  But it doesn't always work out that way . . . . especially if we have had to take care of other family obligations all day on Saturday.

Like yesterday . . . . . our daughter invited us up to Michigan (about a 2 1/2" hour drive) to go to our grandson's dance recital, and Grandma and Grandpa needed a plumbing problem fixed.  Fortunately, all of this was within a few miles of each other.  But we still left home at around 8:30 a.m. and had a wonderful time with our family, but didn't get home until 11:00 p.m.   Exhausted!  So, today we decided to recover from all of that excitement, and that is when I started thinking about ways to make this day meaningful.  How could I do what I HAVE to do and also have a bit of time to do what I WANT to do?

Well, I'm going to be working on this more over the next few weeks, and I hope you will join me if looking for ways to simplify, to clear out the confusion and chaos of the daily demands of life, and to make choices to live very intentionally.  What does that mean?  To me, it means that I am going to try to make more choices about my own life and existence, and minimize the demands of others that jerk me from one thing to the next, with hardly a second to catch my breath.  And that means I just might have to say NO to a few things . . . . . but then that gets us back to the conversation about priorities.  And that discussion is for another day! 

For THIS Sunday, one of the things that I wanted to do was go out into my backyard and find something beautiful, something that would make me smile, and know that God truly is interested in making our world a wonderful place in which to live.  So, here are some pictures of a few thrift treasures I found yesterday at a garage sale on the way to Grandma's house (BTW, sweet hubby did get Grandma and Grandpa's plumbing fixed!).  And later this afternoon, we are going to have a bonfire and roast hot dogs for supper - and the girls want to have toasted marshmallows, too!  Those are some of the things that make life beautiful as we travel our journey to simplify life.  Tell me about what you are doing to simplify YOUR life! 

Frugal Friday: Redecorating My Blog and an Award!

 

How long does it take one mama to update her blog?  Really, how long does it take YOU to rearrange and redecorate your blog?  It is kind of like rearranging the furniture in the bedroom, washing all of the windows and curtains in the whole house, reupholstering all of the furniture in the living room, and painting the kitchen . . . . all at the same time! I've been working on this project for a few days now (nevermind that I had about a MILLION other things that I needed to accomplish as well) - and it has just about made me crazy!  Well, crazier than usual.  When I start on a new "corner" of my little cyber-home, I think that this part should only take about a half-hour and when I get that finished, I'll go fold laundry, sweep the kitchen floor, and make the beds.  So, I sit down and get started, and four hours later, I'm ready to take the proverbial sledge hammer to this *^&$%& computer!  I guess we better take it in and have it looked at before I completely destroy it . . . . or destroy something close at hand!

So, I started to work on my sweet little PayPal widget storefront, that is just so entertaining as it shuffles pictures of my beautiful garments, shoes, and handbags and flips them over and over.  I don't remember it taking this long the first time I created it!  I have now worked on it for two evenings, after getting the girls settled (well, except for the 9,000 times they get out of bed to go to the bathroom, get a drink, need to tell me something that I was supposed to do before morning, tattletale on each other . . . . . ) and I just couldn't get it right.  First, I couldn't figure out how to get the descriptions to "save."  They just kept disappearing.  Then I couldn't get the prices to "take."  Guess I needed to have my "number lock" key pressed down.  Then, I got all of the pictures in place, the descriptions "stuck," and the prices inserted . . . . and I did something (I have NO clue what!) and suddenly every one of the items that I had worked so hard to get into this sweet little widget, ALL said "SOLD OUT"!!! 

OK, so I'm not a computer geni us - although I'm pretty good at some other things in life - but patience with computers is definitely not my gift!  Well, I finally got it finished, uploaded it to this little blog of mine, and WHEW!!!!  It is right!  But that's ALL I accomplished in two evenings of messing around here.  And I have so many other things I want to do . . . . . like paint the kitchen, reupholster the furniture . . . you know, really spiff up my little corner of the cyber-world.  Well, one special event did happen today - I was honored with the "One Lovely Blog Award" by Sonya over at Dime Store Thrift.   I met Sonya while I was wandering around looking for some new vintage / thrift blogs to visit.  She is such a sweetheart! 

Please go on over and visit Sonya and say HI to a new blogging friend   ;o)  Now, it is my job to pass this beautiful award along to 15 other bloggers (actually I was given this award last week, too, and I just haven't had the time to honor 15 other bloggers with the award . . . . so does that mean I get to choose 30 new blogging friends for this award?)  Is this kind of like that Friendship Bread starter that I used to be blessed with from my friends at church?  You know, the stuff that you have to do something with in the next 3 days or it will multiply and become a Yeast Monster that will devour your kitchen???   I'm trying to keep up with this, really I am, but those ^%%$* little widgets just keep me tied up for WAY too long!  I promise I'll be back soon to bestow the "One Lovely Blog Award" on as many beautiful blogging friends as I can find, as quickly as possible!  In the meantime, stop by my Etsy Shop, Gossamer Wings Studio and see some of the beautiful vintage / and thrift shop treasures that I've discovered this week.  Actually, there is so much more just waiting for me to photograph and list . . . . . those *&&%$ WIDGETS again!!!  

Wednesday's Renaissance Treasure Hunt in the Rain

We woke up this morning to a gloomy, misty, rainy day . . . . but that was alright with me because I had a treasure hunt scheduled for this morning! I went out with a friend from work so she could show me all of her favorite "thrift shops" and little vintage treasure haunts. And I've recently been trying to determine if "vintage" only means "old and classic," "high-fashion," "couture," "movie star"  and "exclusive designer" garments . . . . oh, and also "very expensive," or can it include beautiful, well-made, classic garments that happen to be "not brand-new."  I'm discovering that there is that "vintage" community that has very limited  criteria for inclusion.  So, I'm thinking that I should designate my "style" as "Renaissance Boutique."  I think that says what I'm trying to create:  restyled, upcycled, and reconstructed garments from any era, that are gorgeous, well-made, and stylish all while offering my customers the opportunity to show off their fashion sense and STILL be able to pay the bills and feed the kids! 

Apparently I don't really fit into either the exclusive "vintage" club, and I don't think I fit into the "flea market" category, but somewhere in between.  In any case, I have quite a few happy customers who have ordered items from my Etsy shop and absolutely LOVE their purchase.  So I continue on, looking for my niche in the cyber world community of online sellers.  By the way, one thing I have noticed everywhere I go, looking for sites that sell vintage, thrift shop items, flea market communities, etc . . . . . there are lots of people who are trying their hand at offering quality items for sale, but they are struggling with how to set up a shop, write descriptions, take pictures, edit pictures, and market their little shops.  I've even received emails asking me for ideas about how to improve their little corner of the cyber world.  Maybe that will be my next eBook! 

But for today, this rainy Wednesday, I want to show you a few of the Renaissance Treasures that we found on our adventure . . . . . somedays you can find so many wonderful treasures, and other days there just doesn't seem to be anything out there.  Well, today was great fun, because we found the kind of things that are just perfect for our little shop.  We found dresses, and shoes, and old bottles, and purses.  We found some beautiful cropped pants in white for summer; a little sequin shrug sweater; a couple of funky shirts with fringe and embroidery; and a bunch more wonderful items that I will be listing in my Etsy shop.  I'm also working on setting up shop on several other marketplace sites that feature vintage and / or thrift shop treasures.  I know that there are all kinds of people out here who love the look of beautiful, well-made garments, shoes, and accessories but who also want to be wise about the use and abuse of our resources.  Renaissance Treasures are the perfect answer!  We are gorgeous, we are stylish, we have attitude . . . . . but we also have the determination to do our part in keeping our little world less cluttered.  A simple lifestyle can be yours with Renaissance Treasures! 

PS This little lime green top with the black piping just sold!  I listed it and then came over her to post, and when I went back to grab the link, it was gone!   

Who's in charge of the universe today?

“I learned that faith isn’t tested by how often God answers prayers with a yes but by my willingness to continue serving Him and thanking Him even when I don’t have a clue as to what He is doing.”

Gary House
Seeking the Face of God:
The Path to a More Intimate Relationship with Him

 

How many, many times in your life have you found yourself in the midst of a situation that you just could not understand, and you certainly could not "fix" it?  Our human nature is to become frightened, frustrated, angry, and discouraged when the circumstances of our lives just don't make sense.  Clueless again!  And we pray, and we cry out to God to help us see the pathway in front of us, but all is darkness.  It is not usually because we are rebelling against God, or refusing to follow His clear leading in our lives . . . . . it is quite simply that we can't find the path or see the direction we should go.  That is scary and sometimes lonely, and often times it is agonizing.  I've been there quite frequently in my life, and sometimes I wish I just didn't care.  It seems that my life might be so much easier if I didn't try so hard to figure it out.  If I just did whatever I felt like doing in any given situation, and I really did not give much thought to what was "right" or what God's plans were for me.  Because the work of trying so hard is very painful, especially if you go for a long time not really feeling like you've found the right path.

But I guess I'm just not able to let go of that thought, that longing, that determination to find not just what is OK, or not just what is good, but I want to find what is BEST for my life, and to live in obedience to God's voice.  So I stumble on, wrestling with myself and with God, sometimes until I am exhausted.  And when I recover from my exhaustion of working and trying so hard to figure it out, I still haven't made any progress . . . . because God does not expect me to work so hard at getting it "right."  He just wants me to trust and keep on moving! 

I know that much of my confusion about this issue is a result of coming from a background where I felt it was just expected of me that I be the "perfect" wife, mom, Christian, woman, neighbor, friend, daughter, sister . . . . . . . .  and that's a heavy burden to bear!  Especially when you come face to face everyday with your own inadequacy, and you feel that you are letting everyone down.  Or someone in your life is unhappy because YOU didn't do this, that, or the other thing.  When I actually write it down right here in black and white, it all seems so illogical.  But, that's where I lived for many years of my adult life. 

One day I was reading a book about boundaries in my personal life, and it was like a whirlwind rushed through my heart and mind.  I suddenly realized that my so-called Christian life was all about ME.  Believing that God and everyone else expected ME to be perfect, they needed ME to do everything for them to keep them happy, they wanted ME to be, to do, to say, to think, to go, to come, to start, to stop, to smile, to say "yes," to keep smiling, to keep going, to keep doing . . . . . . and I just collapsed from the sheer weight of it all.  So, at the risk of offending a few other people in my life, I started to "let" myself be human.  After all, only God can be perfect.  If I could have done it all by myself, I guess He wouldn't have needed to send us a Savior!  

I still struggle with expectations . . . . mostly mine, but I'm learning to trust God to give me clear vision for the next step along the journey.  And if I can't see His hand, I've learned to trust His heart.  Someday perhaps I won't be so hard on myself, but at least I know in my head (even if my heart sometimes misses the signals!) that I really don't need to know everything or be everything to know that He is in control.  I just need to trust, because He's got it all figured out, and he really doesn't need my assistance with running the universe! 

Under Construction!

If you've been visiting my little corner of the blogosphere, you have noticed that I haven't updated my blog in a while   ;o)   Even though I've been trying to post fairly regularly, I haven't had time to post a new banner, links, and all of my sidebar "stuff."  Recently I've been able to get back to this project, which I love, and I'm in the middle of some major updates.  Since we moved from Colorado to Indiana, life has been kind of crazy . . .. you know what it's like to move!  Now that it is spring, we are finally having the time and the opportunity to really dig in and sort through the stuff that was stored in our garage, and get our lives more organized.  So I am now committed to getting this part of my life organized, too!  This is just the beginning - since I've kind of changed direction following the CPSIA scare in February about selling children's clothing, I've moved more toward vintage and reconstruction garments and accessories.  And I'm having so much fun!  I will still be writing my eBook patterns, but perhaps now I will be adding some designs for 'tweens (girls 8 - 12) since I now have an eight year old    ;o)  as well as designs for us mommies.  And I'm looking at all the opportunities we all have with a struggling economy!  We have all kinds of ways to re-use, recycle, upcycle, reconstruct and generally move toward a simpler, frugal, and thrifty lifestyle.  All while finding our own personal style for our wardrobe and home decor.  I'll be back soon with more updates to the blog and more ideas for YOUR frugal lifestyle! 

Remember: YOU are the Mom!

As I think back on all of the Mother's Days that I have experienced, I really don't remember so many from when I was a little girl and it was my Mama's celebration day. Probably because when I was growing up, at least in our family, there wasn't very much extra time or money to spend on things like Mother's Day. But one thing for sure that I remember about my Mama and my growing up years was her determination and strength in the face of adversity. Well, at the time I didn't actually see it in such a positive light. I didn't appreciate how hard it was for her to be a mom, and I definitely had no clue about all of the heartache that she had experienced. I guess I just thought she was a pretty strict, and sometimes unreasonable, mom . . . . like lots of other moms throughout history. 

And I can almost hear her voice as if it was just yesterday, reminding me that "if a job's worth doin' it's worth doin' right."  One that always annoyed me was, "First you work, and THEN you play!"  Other lessons included such mundane admonitions as "Always tell the truth," "if you want to have a friend, you have to be a friend," and this one I REALLY hated:  "You need to learn to do WHAT you are told, WHEN you are told, and the WAY you are told!"   And if I didn't do it, there would definitely be pretty serious consequences!  Now, during this time of economic struggles for so many families, the one little saying that I remember so well from my Mama (she was a young girl during the Great Depression):  "Use it up, wear it out, Make do, or do without!"  And so we did.  I guess I learned to appreciate the values of hard work, thrift, honesty, and integrity from my Mama.  But I don't remember any Mother's Day celebrations, flowers, gifts, or cards.  I just remember my Mama.

But I do remember a few of the Mother's Days that I have experienced as a Mom.  Some were good, some were OK, and some were kind of sad.  But I got through them all.  I just wish I had learned a long time ago to remember, at all times, that I am the Mom.  You see, I was one of those moms who thought for a long time that I should be a "nice mommy," one who always has time to play with her children, take them to the park and the zoo and the library, or to the weekly playgroup.  Even when I was losing my mind, I was driven to be a "good mommy."  And all of those things are wonderful things to do with our children . . . . I did them all, loved most of it   ;o)  and survived the rest.  But it was not a good lesson for my children.  What I was teaching them was that they were in charge of the universe, that mom's feelings don't really matter, and that mom's only value was in serving the needs of the children.  Again, not a bad thing to do, but not a good thing to teach my children.  And years later, I began to see clearly what went wrong.  If children do not learn to respect their parents, they do not feel safe.  Their world is rather uncertain.  Since I was the mom, and I am the mom, I made lots of mistakes because I didn't understand that children need to KNOW who is the mom and who is the child. 

Now, as an "older mom," I see lots of young moms struggling with children who have learned that they can be rude, disrespectful, and disobedient.  Sometimes because Mommy is so determined to be a "good mommy" and not make her child unhappy.  I talk to young moms who were so enchanted with an infant who has now become a loud, messy, chaotic, and selfish three-year-old.  And they are frustrated and angry because they can't make sense of the mixed messages they see all around them.  One the one hand we see beautiful young moms and children, all smiling, wearing fashionable, clean clothes, playing on a brightly colored playset in their perfectly manicured backyard.  And somehow that just doesn't match up with what they are experiencing in their life-long dream of "motherhood."  It has become a nightmare, with a screaming kid with smelly diapers and a runny nose who falls in the mud, bleeds on Mommy's new dress, and slaps her when she tells him / her "No." 

However . . . . that IS life, that IS kids, and that IS Mommies.  The good, the bad, the ugly, the frustrating, and the joyful.  This is real life.  But I have learned, that through it all, the children in your home need to KNOW, and you need to remember:  YOU are the mom!  They will feel safer, and you will be much more joyful in the midst of all of the chaos that is Motherhood.  Happy Mother's Day!  We can chat about this more next week . . . . . .    Nina