The Mommy Wars Rage On!

Over at 5 Minutes for Parenting I discovered this post and then was amazed to read the follow-up comments.  I guess I've become kind of unaware that the conflict between the stay-at-home mommies and the work-away-from-home mommies was still raging.  I thought that was really old news!  But apparently not, from all the comments offered up on this great post.  So, I thought I'd add my little bit of mommy wisdom to the conversation.  Is this still something we should be debating, or is it time to trust mommies to have the wisdom to do what is best for their children, their families, and for themselves?  What do you think? 

Oh my!  I thought this battle was over a generation ago!  Once upon a time, when I was raising my "first family," I frequently encountered the attitude of the Women's Liberation Front that would have me believe that a woman who chose to stay home and raise her children was simply too stupid to do anything else with her life. The "mommy wars" were pretty vicious back then!

So, after almost twenty years of being a stay-at-home mom, I returned to college and earned three degrees (so much for being too stupid!) and then worked away from home as a college instructor for several years.  I did do that in the right order, didn't I?

Fast forward to NOW (no pun intended!) and I am now the mother of two beautiful daughters adopted from China, ages five and seven years.  The world is a much different place now than it was back in the 70s and 80s when I was a younger mom, and it was not uncommon back then to be able to raise a family on one income.  And now, even though we live frugally, budget our money, and teach our daughters the difference between  "wants" and "needs," it is necessary for me to help our family financially.  So, I now work away from home, fortunately with a pretty flexible schedule and a low-stress job, and our girls love their "Bible School" daycare program. 

So, I guess as a mom who has been a Mommy Warrior for a very long time . . . . . and I've fought the "battle" from a variety of different vantage points, my observation is that we will all be stronger moms, have healthier families, and be happier women when we learn to support one another, whatever our position on the battlefield of the Mommy Wars.  Because the REAL battle is not between Mommies, but the battle is for the hearts and souls of our children, and we need all the support we can get from each other.

PS  Sue has offered an insightful, historical context for this conversation.  And she is right - the idea of mommies staying home with their children, playing games, going to the zoo, the water park, or the museum is simply not part of the historical record.  There is no historical precedent for this kind of "stay at home" mothering.  When moms were at home with their children, they were ALL working very hard to provide for their families.  Only the very wealthy families were able to have a mommy who did not "work" - and then those mommies were often entertaining their Garden Club while the kiddos were sent off to boarding school or in the nursery with the nanny.  Let's get on with life, girls.